In today’s print media, the
journalists have a very restricted vocabulary. No matter what the accident
involved, car, train, plane the explanation is always “the mangled remains!”
Here are some classic examples of misused English.
In an office:
*TOILET OUT OF ORDER... PLEASE USE
FLOOR BELOW*
In a Laundromat:
*AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE
REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT*
In a London department store:
*BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS*
In an office:
*WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP
LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN*
In an office:
*AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY
THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD*
Outside a secondhand shop:
*WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES,
WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL
BARGAIN?*
Notice in health food shop window:
*CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS*
Spotted in a safari park:
*ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR*
Seen during a conference:
*FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND
DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR*
Notice in a farmer's field:
*THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS
THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES*.
On a repair shop door:
*WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE
KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)*